A look into Distrust can remove much confusion and frustration.
Distrust creates a hard boundary in the mind, making issues labeled such very hard to work with. Do you work for a company or boss you do not trust?
Distrust is a protection mechanism and is often mis-attributed. You may say you distrust the company, when actually you mean, you trust the company will take care of itself and that may not be good for you.
Doubt can also get labeled as dis-trust. A major component of doubt is not-knowing and as a human-being we want to know, so we see not-knowing as negative.
Doubt however is also full of potential, which allows room for creativity. Rarely is business a certain proposition. Though they may never admit it, doubt is no stranger to your boss or the company as a whole. It has been my experience that business responds favorably to those who take action into uncertainty.
Setting aside your aversion to not-knowing may help you find an outcome you are happier with. A good way to do this is to determine what you know: What information do you have? What information do you need? Who has that information? What is my relevant experience? Do I need to learn something? Do I have the faculties to learn it? Who ultimately sets the vision? Can I speak with them? Etc… From this you can make a plan that suits you.
If you are part of the solution, you are by definition not the problem. In what creative ways may you be able to participate in creating the outcome you desire?
May your life go well
The hardest thing for us to work with are potentials we lose to our own blind spots. As this series started with Seriously Folks, to be serious you have to filter things out. Just as a mirror helps us see ourself, it is the outside world that provides us with the feedback to see our shadows.
If you do not know why you are stuck, the world is constantly giving you feedback. Are you listening?
It is impossible to be shadow free due to the nature of attention and concepts in the human mind. It is currently a popular new-age thing to dig around in shadows. The majority is alot like helping you discover you bleed if you cut yourself. Working on someone elses shadows is only randomly helpful to you.
Since you will always have shadows, work on discovering those that are keeping you from where you want to go. To get a handle on this without working with someone, which requires much trust, try the following exercise.
Take a day and go about your normal business and be mindful of the things that annoy you. Just jot them down don’t try to analyse them. Do this commuting, at work, walking down the street and at home, if you forget, just start again. Things or interactions that annoy or make you uncomfortable are like fingers pointing at the shadows. Over time you will see trends and pick up clues.
If you want to really go right for it, consider the person that annoys you the most and ask yourself what it is you are afraid of that they represent. Just as an example:
In last weeks post Discernment, I laid out the Victim, Perpetrator, Rescuer triangle. I personally have a thing about being seen as a victim or a loser and those that take up that role really bug me. I did not know this for most of my corporate life and therefore took on the role of Perpetrator, the get it done at all costs guy, causing much unneccesary chaos by purging project teams of this traight.
May your life go well
I’m getting more comfortable having the talk. How did you do it? How can I do it? are the questions.
How you live your life is the result of choices. I chose to no longer live by convention and cultural norms. It is at times very inconvenient, almost always involving a governmental interaction; however the vast majority of days are a pleasurable experience.
How did I do it, introspection and fortitude. On top of that were many books, methods, trials, errors, people, places, gifts and miles and miles of walking. My path is not your path and while my experiences may be helpful to you, it is the introspection and fortitude that will create change for you.
I am writing these posts in an attempt to begin answering the second question, How can you do it?
My standard answer when ask this, is to say ‘Why it’s easy, go in to work in the morning and quit’. Often they light up on the word easy and then I can literally see life drain from them on the word quit. You see they have been to this precipice a 100 times and they know they will choose to compromise their true desires, dreams and passions.
As an exercise I suggest playing this out in your mind. Imagine I just told you this and make a list of all the reasons that would immediately start pouring forth.
Change is never easy, it always gives rise to fear and we typically want fear to go away as fast as possible. Therefore, we take the path of least resistance back to status quo. Most of the people I end up in conversation with do not have the choice of status quo returning. It is truly time for them to face change. I encourage you to be proactive and start to listen to your inner voice and identify the imbalances in your life.
May your life go well
PS – Nothing on that list is true.